Friday night he went to a fireside broadcast from Elder Holland. Something that he shared with me last night as he was preparing his Elders Quorum lesson on Agency was that in order to truly have and exercise our agency we must have doubts...otherwise we cannot choose faith. 2 Nephi 2 is Lehi teaching his son Jacob before Lehi dies. He says that we must teach the truth and the doctrines of Christ because we have to be able to choose. We must be presented with both sides of the argument per se..."there must needs be an opposition in all things. If not so...righteousness could not be brought to pass, neither wickedness...Wherefore men ARE free according to the flesh (or this mortal experience); and all things are given them which are expedient unto man (including the fallen angel Satan). And they are free to choose liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil."
I teach the 12-13 year old Sunday School class at church and this week we are talking about the Doctrines of Christ...Faith, Repentance, Baptism, the Gift of the Holy Ghost, and Enduring to the end. As I sat trying to get Abby back to sleep this morning (I don't know why suddenly 6:15-6:30 is suddenly her wake up time) I just kept thinking about what Keith had talked about--how it's not the lack of doubts, and certainly our doubts are necessary as are our trials that cause us to sometimes doubt, because that gives us the opportunity to exercise our FAITH. We are the agent in the middle and we are being enticed by the two sides. Either we can turn to the DOUBTS, let them in and sink into the despair that doubts ensnare us in...it's like quicksand. You walk the path of doubt and you just get buried deeper and deeper. One doubt leads to another to another and another. OR you turn to HOPE which exercises your faith and you grow. You are able to rise above the doubts and see them for what they are. Last General Conference Elder Holland spoke about faith in the face of doubts and he pled with us that we first doubt our doubts. It is okay that they are there if we are willing to, despite them, put forth what faith we do have and call on the Savior's grace to fill in the rest. Even if we have no more than a desire to believe, let that desire work in you.
So, when life and people who are not perfect and fail at their efforts to be such, create in you doubt that it's not worth the effort to keep your covenants or that while in this life you won't be able to live the teachings of the gospel, please doubt your doubts. We have been promised that all we have been commanded to do, we will be able to do, if we turn to Jesus Christ. He has already carried your burdens, you aren't a martyr if you drag them back to the starting line and carry them yourself getting buried on the way.
Plant yourself in truth, push towards the sun, and bury deep your roots. The wind and rain WILL come and the storms WILL beat upon you, but it will only make you stronger and more firmly rooted. You have the agency to choose. I pray for those I love who are struggling to find faith amidst their doubts. Don't take the easy way and sink into despair...it's a party the whole way down--there are plenty of people going that way, but the end is not worth it. The journey to the Sun is difficult, rocky, painful at times, but so worth it in the end! We CAN change--so whether you're overcoming an addiction, changing your routine to improve your health/bless your family, deciding to not yell, riddled with illness, or anything that creates in you a doubt that it's possible, remember to every doubt there is a hope.
Hopefully, whoever this is for (I really felt like this was something I needed to write about here) knows that we love you. God loves you. Satan hates you, but you can win your battle because Christ already won the war.
And for those of you who may not have heard, here's our little BOY coming in May! :)
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